you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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