That's intense
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
