Your tits are I can't wait for
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
