maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
