i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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