Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my liver is dry heaving
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
