dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
