3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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