I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize