I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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