Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
