I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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