i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
