I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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