Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm bleeding and have questions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
