Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
