I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
