I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
