I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
