it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
