just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
