3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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