u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
