I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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