im about as happy as oj after his trial
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
