I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
