So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was like getting head from an anaconda
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
