you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
