mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Buhtt sex?
I just threw up on my dentist
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
