I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize