She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will pee on everything he values.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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