I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This house was built for laser tag.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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