You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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