just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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