***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
