You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
