I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
