Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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