Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize