the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
