If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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