Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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