i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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