I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
