i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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