dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
