just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That accounts for only three of the penises
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
