The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
