So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
