I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
