I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
