oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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