your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
