i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pooping to opera.
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