Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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