just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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