MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
