I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
