You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
