i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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