you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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