Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
