apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck appropriateness.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
