I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
