whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
