Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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