Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
