but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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