why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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