i just had sex bonerless
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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