I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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