1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
